Last week I talked to you about how I do a reflection of my year in December, and I really take the whole month to do that.
This year has been quite intense. I lost my mother, and basically lost my uncle as I knew him (he’s deep diving in dementia.)
My sister is taking guardianship of my other two grandchildren. I already have permanent guardianship of my boy Jack, and today marks the weekend of nine years ago when I walked into a safe house with him.
Last night I had Jack on my shoulder, on my chest as we hold our children when they’re sleeping, and the two and a half year old, I was holding his hand in his toddler bed next to my bed, and I sat there and I was wide awake looking at the ceiling, having a very deep conversation with God. I said, “Wow. I need to share. I need to share this.”
Here’s the question that kept coming up over, and over, and over for me:
What are you committed to?
You might say, “Oh, I’m committed to my husband. I’m committed to my job.”
Please don’t take this lightly.
I really want to know really what are you committed to.
What are you willing to stand strong for, hold boundaries for, not budge for, lose other things for, potentially relationships, jobs, friends, whatever that might be?
As I was having this deep conversation with God, I realized what I really stood for. I’ve known it, and I’ve talked about it, but I don’t know that I had felt it in this magnitude.
I am committed to breaking the chains that have bound five plus generations in my family.
I am committed to stopping that inner critic and pleasing everybody else, and doing what you think everybody else thinks you should, and really listening to your own drummer.
When things come down the pipeline, if you don’t know what you’re committed to, if you don’t know where your lines in the sand are, if you don’t know what your deal-breakers are, if you don’t know who you are, if you don’t know what you’re committed to, then how are you going to handle it when it comes?
Sometimes you have to say, “Whoa Nelly.” You know what? These things are here, and this is what I have energy for, and if I’m choosing to be present in my life, and really give what I have, then I have to do these, and these things are going to wait.
It isn’t about pleasing anybody else, it isn’t about making anybody else’s deadlines, it isn’t about pleasing anybody else.
It’s about knowing inside my own body, my soul, my mind, my heart what is my truth in my present right now, and what do I need to be committed to for me?
Now that it’s just about Christmas, yes, I am doing a little shopping for the boys, but I really think it’s a time of gratitude, a time of reflection, and I want to ask you:
What are you committed to? Who are you inside? Where’s your lines in the sand? Will you know how to take care of yourself when the tsunami comes, or even just a six earthquake? Are you prepared? Do you know the lay of the land? Do you know your exit routes?
I’m here to help. I’m here to start the conversation. It’s not going to be the last time I talk about this, but it’s something I really wanted to speak to you from my heart about, just in my home, being me, coming to you going, “What are you committed to? Let’s find out.”
If this resonates with you, please leave a comment below and let me know what you’re committed to.