Last week we dug a bit deeper into your beliefs about the costs and benefits of what you thought was one thing in your way of moving from traumatized to empowered.
I am wondering if you discovered what might be a benefit to actually “holding onto the trauma”. I found it surprising and shocking a bit when I discovered some of the benefits of holding onto some of mine. I didn’t have to fear rejection of others. I didn’t have to feel that somehow I made it ok by releasing and letting go (i.e. forgetting the whole thing).
You see that is what I thought and felt. If I release this then it’s like its ok and it didn’t happen and IT WASN’T OK and it did happen. How did you move through those questions on the action sheet? (If you found you want to dig a bit deeper and want support with those I offer a FREE Break Free call and you can schedule one here.)
Dr. Phil coined the phrase, “You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.”
I agree with him on that. However, it doesn’t mean to hold on for dear life YOUR entire life. Simply acknowledging that the “trauma”, the “event” has already happened. It’s over so to speak and if you do not release and go through steps to move from Traumatized to Empowered then YOU are the one recreating it and reliving it with the simple but serious control over HOLDING ON.
I know… Yes, I know it’s not simple nor easy. TRUST me I know from my own journey. My lifetime of stuffing, pushing down and more. I want MORE for you, I want the same release and feelings of freedom I have found with this roadmap of recovery.
So, ready for the next step?
Reclaiming Your Voice
This one was the source of SO MUCH pain for me. I have seen it with clients over the years as well. NO VOICE or a deeply MUTED voice about the traumas themselves and the impact they had on us.
I have talked about some of my reasons for holding on let me tell you now some things that influence me TURNING OFF COMPLETELY my voice about these events.
My mom, may she rest in peace, told me to BE QUIET about them all. That they were shameful and horrible and no one would want to hear them and if they did they wouldn’t love me. She in fact affirmed all the time what I thought to myself already, that I was “damaged”.
Now before you think my mother intentionally did that to hurt me NO WAY. She loved me to the moon and back HOWEVER HER FEARS guided her mothering of my traumas. Her beliefs, her shame, her story guided and influenced mine. I came to adopt it all as the truth.
Somewhere inside of me I felt so horrible about myself, so ugly, so dirty, that I just kept all of it, each one, about our family, about the men that hurt me, about my daughter’s abuse, all of it I buried deep and the volume turned 100% off. Because for goodness sakes, what if I told the world my father hurt the people he proclaimed to love the most? What if I told about the men that bought me and hit me and abused me? Would I go to jail? Was all of that my fault? What if I said out loud about the years and years of abuse by my daughter? Wouldn’t that just mean I was a horrible mom? All of this would mean I was a horrible person, I had let things happen to me and that I couldn’t control any of it.
OMG, can you see the pattern?! And the biggie was this… If I told, all of it, I MEAN all of it, OMG who would want to love me, marry me, be around me, my family, my life? That is the false truth because of FEAR that I came to believe was the TRUTH.
IT WASN’T. IT ISN’T and trust me whoever would not want to be around YOU, around ME, because of other people’s action that were perpetrated against us then I say GOOD RIDDANCE.
I wouldn’t want anyone that toxic in their feelings and beliefs in my life. What about you?
AND let me ask you this (and take the time to allow the feelings and thoughts come up), do not censor them. How about you? Did or has someone else s fear or beliefs impacted your choices about it all? Have their feelings, beliefs and actions in relation to you and your traumas influenced how you feel about yourself or the experience?
In this week’s action sheet we are going to write all of this out. Yup, we are going to make it all black and white (or red, or blue or pink, whatever color pen or pencil you choose to use, because yes, you get to choose!)
Being HEARD is a BIG deal.
Part of the path to being heard is speaking up and out. Out of the voice of your head and now out of your mouth. In this case your movement from inside chatter is through the pen and doing the action sheet. I will give you some steps about it all next week when we discuss taking action. So don’t worry, take your time, this is a process.
And this week we say it out loud – literally and figuratively.
Resource Highlights for This Week
Being touched is so important. Massage is one way we can receive touch and just BE. It’s important to have your body recover also. Massage can help release the body memories as you move forward in your recovery. Here is an article to discuss more about that.
This is a system of therapy and developed to restore the body. Check out this video explaining more about this kind of body therapy.
This week I am going to share two oils that will support you along your journey.
When we look at the emotion of being “traumatized” Helichrysum is the one I choose. It specifically supports the soul that has been wounded with strength and endurance. It helps to restore confidence in life and in the SELF. Helichrysum offers hope that we can recover from the traumatizing events.
The next oil I recommend when we have been traumatized we can feel unsafe in the world. Myrrh is the perfect oil to support us to move from distrusting, ungrounded, and unsafe in the world to safe, secure, trusting and nurtured. It is the oil of mother earth. What a great oil to support us in the journey of traumatized to empowered.
To find out more about these doTERRA essential oils and purchase click here.