Do you remember last week when I talked about being hushed? How we allow ourselves to be shushed by others and even by ourselves.
Being HUSHED or SHUSHED on any level gives the message that what we want to say isn’t of value, isn’t going to be heard, and instead is actually going to be rejected because we are being told to BE QUIET before we even say anything or interrupted and told to BE QUIET.
Bottom line our voice gets shut down.
Have this happen enough times and you learn to censor yourself so deeply and thoroughly it begins to take on a life of its own and I hate to say this, it becomes our reality and it almost begins to feel normal.
In fact, when we begin to do something different or even imagine doing something different it FEELS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Sometimes we interpret this as WRONG, TOO MUCH RISK, and we stop.
FEAR is so good at this.
So lets break this down a little bit more. Here’s a possible scenario (and one I have experienced myself as well as seen clients go through):
We get shushed.
It happens over and over.
We begin to take on that role ourselves and begin censoring ourselves.
In time our inside reality, thoughts and feelings do not match how we are acting and or not acting, ie speaking our truth.
As we begin to have that divide grow bigger and bigger we think, imagine, want, yearn to speak up. To USE our own voice.
As we do the above our entire system of being goes into THIS IS NOT RIGHT. I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE – IN FACT so much so that you stop immediately and say NO WAY JOSE…. My voice will get crushed and so therefore I am not using it.
Get the idea of how we continue to censor ourselves?
So lets look at how you can begin to practice taking 3 steps that will begin to break this cycle.
1. On a scale of 1 1- 10, 10 being I just have to start using my voice or I will ______________. (You fill in the blank! Here’s a few examples… freak out, scream, feel like I don’t exist, matter, I want to be heard, I need to be heard. What is the driving force and how strong is the driving force for you to being using YOUR voice? )
2. What do you believe will happen if you begin using YOUR voice in the areas you have been shutting it down? Put in everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, so and so will not love me, they will leave me, I will be judged, fired, rejected, etc.
TRY REALLY hard to NOT CENSOR YOURSELF NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE THIS BUT YOU PUT IT OUT THERE ON PAPER. Its really the first way to start using your voice.
3. Begin with the safety zone. A trusted friend that knows it all. A trusted friend you could totally tell anything to and they will not reject you.
Pick ONE thing you are stuffing down and allowing yourself to be hushed about or shushed about, whether its by you or someone else. If its someone else, i would suggest you do not start with that person unless you are totally ready to not be attached to their reaction but ask for support for your voice.
Here is what I would say to a trusted friend to practice:
- Andre I would like to talk to you and have you be my witness and support to something. (They agree.)
- Great, I have been really allowing myself to be shushed by myself or someone else and I want and need to take the steps to change that. I am asking that you be my first step. (They agree.)
- I fear judgment, rejection, anger, etc. Can you, are you willing to listen with love?) I am not asking you to fix it, but to sit in love as I practice saying this out loud. (They agree.)
- Great, I am nervous, and I will just start where I need to start. (Then you practice saying this.)
All your friend needs to do is say I love you, so proud of you, etc. No judgement on the content, delivery or any expectations after that.
I actually have assigned this over and over –
- Find your why you want this to change.
- Write it all out.
- Practice saying it with a trusted person.
These are just the first steps…..not the only. Yet, its the best way to not trigger ALL the fear around anything you were hushed on. It will come up and try to get you to stop yet with this safety net you get a good FIRST couple steps to practice.
Want to get support or use me as your practice partner?