Today I want to talk about the “C” word.
One of the things I hear come up over and over again with my clients and my circle of friends is this.
COMPARISON. Yup, that C word.
That word we don’t admit to, that word we won’t let come out over our lips and say WE ARE COMPARING OURSELVES to others. Because we are. You know we do. We try and say we aren’t yet the truth is we look at how others are dressed, how their kids behave, what car they drive and or the condition of the car. We compare income, husbands, partners, our bodies, our hair, and our fingernails and YES even our TOENAILS.
We compare our choices to others choices so quickly all throughout the day that some of us (is this you?) might not even notice that it’s happening. We think NOPE that isn’t me. Well, I am here to tell you that it is MOST of us. When we were little we saw others with toys we wanted, had a birthday party location we wanted etc. Then it was in middle school and high school, who was dating who, and who did your boyfriend like AFTER you. OMG. We took it ALL as a reflection of us. And we still do it today.
We EVEN compare to ourselves. This, for me, is even harder on our spirits than the comparison to others.
Wanting to improve ourselves is great. Yet if we are improving ourselves by beating ourselves up inside with HORRIBLE words then how is that improvement? There is no way in hell that has a positive effect on your inside well-being let alone your spirit. And again, some people are so detached from this that they don’t even know this is happening over and over and over throughout the day. It actually robs your JOY, CONFIDENCE and more.
Here is how I feel about it:
STOP IT NOW. I MEAN IT. STOP IT NOW.
When you compare yourself to others you are creating a LOSE LOSE situation and you can NEVER WIN.
There is no way it is helping to motivate you in any way positive. It’s NOT a win if you do something because you come from a place of NOT ENOUGH. AND the truth is you are comparing on FALSE information. IT is RARE if EVER that we are truly comparing all the information or facts. We usually end of comparing our inside feelings, events and circumstances to someone else’s OUTSIDE appearances. This is never the REAL situation.
You have heard the expression don’t compare apples to oranges. Well it is so popular because it’s true.
No one else can be you and you are never going to be someone else. AND THAT IS THE MIRACLE.
So here are the first steps to BREAKING UP WITH THE “C” word. And yes, you NEED TO BREAK UP.
It will hurt, you will want to go back over and over again. You will feel like you can’t live without it YET I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
Once you get clear you do not want to choose comparing anymore then you have to be willing to acknowledge you are doing it.
- Once you get clear you do not want to choose comparing anymore then you have to be willing to acknowledge you are doing it. Step ONE – is acknowledging it.
- Becoming aware of when and how you compare to others and yourself is the next step. Step TWO – is becoming aware of when and how you do this.
- Being willing to practice something different. Are you willing to BREAK UP with Comparing? If yes, then allow yourself to hear and see when you are flashing those thoughts and words in your brain and when you hear it say, choosing to interrupt the cycle. Step THREE – is being willing to practice interrupting the process.
- Make a mantra that helps you Acknowledge, Be Aware, & Practice.
Here are some examples:
I am willing to break up with comparing.
I am willing to practice being aware _________ (fill it in with comparing, acknowledging when I do compare etc..).
I am willing to interrupt myself when I hear myself comparing.
What will YOUR mantra be?
This can be an easy break up or a hard break up. The choice is yours. See that really is the deal here. You get to choose your joy or sadness. You can choose to compare or not compare. Your choice. It will take practice. I am not saying it will be overnight yet I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS.
It’s all about our relationship to the words themselves. How we define joy, confidence, who we are and feeling like we are enough.
One of the areas I see people compare themselves to the most is how they spend their days, what they accomplish, the choices they make with their time. For example “Sally’s mom seems to handle it all, 3 kids, a job, a husband and she finds time to work out and have another business on the side. What is wrong with me that I can’t juggle all of that? I must be doing something wrong”. On and on and on.
Don’t you think It’s About Time to get off the roller coaster of comparison, and change your relationship with time, your schedule and your planner? Join us on January 25 for the start of IT’S ABOUT TIME and begin changing your relationship with time and support to end your case of comparisonitis.