I have been sitting down to write this email every weekend for the last month. I would start to write and then I would stop. I would tell myself I had this and that to do, yet the truth is I was procrastinating writing it. Why you might ask?
Well, this last year has brought about a lot of changes. I graduated as a board certified health coach. I have taken so many amazing online programs from people I have admired for a long time. Learning, Learning, Learning. I was committed to investing in myself, investing in the new business venture, investing in what I could offer all of you.
I realized that while all of that is amazing, awesome and I truly wouldn’t change any of it, “it” is one way in which I distract myself. HUH? What do you mean distract yourself? I didn’t see it right away yet, I did feel it somewhere inside of me. I didn’t stop long enough to listen or ask myself about that little nudging inside I could sense.
However, I noticed I kept seeing program after program and thinking “Oh yes I need to learn “THAT” if I am going to really be able to make this business work.” And this happened over and over. I bought how to build your own website programs, how to be your own copywriter programs and how to build an online business programs. I hired coaches. Fired coaches. I hired mentors. I kept looking for ways for me to be able to DO this business.
I started to ask myself, “hmmm what is wrong with this picture? Here I am, 18 months into this venture and I am no clearer on where I want to take it and what I want to say than I was when I began.” Or at least that is what I kept telling myself. (psst. little secret I am not confused anymore and clarity has taken over, stay tuned for that in upcoming weeks.)
As I have embarked on this new venture I can see now there was a part of me that was feeling not good enough. In a way like a fraud. “How could I be a health coach when I am still overweight? How could I go out into the world and talk about fear, change and choice and still have thoughts of feeling not good enough? Wouldn’t that mean I was a true fraud all together?”
So, I kept buying programs, hiring coaches, spending hours and hours working on things and not taking the actual steps to move forward. YUP, I was distracting myself. I was in a spin cycle of “if I get that then I will be able to do that” syndrome.
“If I learn that then for sure I will be able to learn that.” Say that, Do that, Be that. UGHHHHHH Yup, Spin Cycle. Total distraction.”
I also realized, as I have been digging deep to understand this cycle for myself, that I have done this a lot in my life. (Can you relate?) I have a pattern of not feeling I can truly STEP into my life 100%. I have started businesses and been successful, yet not on my own. This is and will be all my own.
The other thing I realized during this time is I wasn’t asking for help. Oh Gosh another pattern.
I thought I HAD to do it all myself. I couldn’t hire people yet; ask for help, barter anything. I had to do it all myself or then it really meant I couldn’t do it and that would mean I should quit.
I had a message in my head that said, “You can’t hire anyone. You are not making enough money yet to hire anyone.” So I loaded more and more on my shoulders and that just perpetuated that I couldn’t do this, that I was a fraud and not good enough.
Well, the truth is I am totally good enough. I am totally capable of doing this business, finding my voice and stepping into my own place in the world.
I didn’t get here just by snapping my fingers, reading a book or having anyone tell me to “just do it.”
I got to this point by saying I CHOOSE something different for myself. I BELIEVE that I can do this. And on the days that I am shaky I will and do tell myself I am willing to be willing to believe I can do this, and I PRACTICE every day. I do one thing every day. At least one thing EVERY day on my list that moves me forward.
AND I have asked for help and the universe has provided. I am so happy to have a team around me. I have decided that the money I was spending on programs could easily be spent on actual help.
Sometimes it takes a shift in perception. How do you get there? Well it takes a willingness to say I want something DIFFERENT and then being OPEN to see what the possibilities can be.
I also am unwilling to feel like a fraud anymore. I am not a fraud no matter how much I weigh. I am unwilling to spend my time feeling not good enough. I love who I am now. I worked hard to get to this place in my life. To feel free each day. To see the full range of choices in each day still takes my breath away. I now listen to my internal barometer. My Internal GPS system. I am not willing to take one more second of my day and feel bad about myself when I love myself. Just isn’t going to happen.
“So one step at a time, one choice at a time, Choosing, Believing & Practicing I am on my journey and sharing it with you.”
Til next week.
What is ONE thing YOU can do to be more honest with yourself this week about how YOU distract? I would love to hear about it. I would also LOVE to hear your feedback on this post.
Leave your comments, thoughts and feedback below. THANKS
PS: I am declaring my independence from feeling like a fraud and not good enough – What will you declare your independence from this Fourth Of July……Declare it – Name it – Claim it!!!!!!!!! I would love to hear what it is, You can share that below too.
PSS – If you want to know more about Choosing, Believing, Practicing check out my Free Ebook, Starting Now (if you don’t already have it in your library of cool tools to support you)