CHANGE – PART ONE
I have been on a journey of change for many many years now. Probably like some of you it’s been a series of valleys, peaks, one step forward and 3 back and vica versa. As I reflect on my years of change I could have never imagined that the road would lead me to here, writing to you about it all. I am excited, nervous, thrilled and hesitant all at the same time. As i say that, i have a yearning to speak, a yearning to share, a yearning to support others along the journey I have been on and continue on.
I have been an emotional eater since I was about 20. My daughter was 2 and I was wondering what my life was going to look like. I struggled with being a young single mother providing for my family and had no clue who I was. I just was going through the motions of working, dating, being a mom, and going through the cycle again, and again, and again. However, I always had a yearning deep within me. A knowing. A yearning that there was something more, different, that was out there for me. I can see now that was the dissatisfaction with the end results of choices I had made. I also realize now that I was always felt a bit different than my friends. That fed my fear at the time. I never really felt like I belonged anywhere or with anyone. I was always working to fit in and yet knowing something still felt different. I left good relationships and got into bad ones. Oh how the cycle just kept spinning. I let friends go because i isolated. I spent a good part of my 20’s and early 30’s feeling this way.
I feared change. I kept striving for routine, sameness, what I thought I “should” want, “should” have, and “should” be. It left me tired, depressed and terribly insecure. I gave a really good show on the outside. I worked hard to accomplish material milestones. That’s what I did because my self-worth was coming from outside of me. It left me empty, tired, depressed and more and more devalued and more and more upset with myself because NOTHING changed the feelings inside.
I began to become aware that something else was possible. A life where what mattered most was what I thought of myself. A life where what counted most was what I thought about anything. It didn’t change for me overnight. In fact, it has been a process over time of personal discovery to turn the tide of my emotional health and now my physical health.
What do i know for sure? The first step for me was to EMBRACE the possibility that change could actually be a GOOD thing. That change didn’t always have to mean loss for me. It could mean gain. As i began to embrace this possibility things began to shift for me. I could see, step by step, that I began to also embrace myself. What i was gaining was the re-connection to ME.
What do you think of change? How does it affect your life? Do you do everything you can in order for things NOT to change? Or do you change them so much that you never actually land where you want to?
Over the next few months I will be talking more about core values, change, and my journey.
Let me know your thoughts, comments and questions. Let’s discover more about how change works in all of our lives and how we can EMBRACE change as a partner rather than push against it.
Here’s to Embracing Change and Living Life.
I think that you are a real hero. You had many problems loving yourself and changing yourself and your lifestyle. Then you decided to stop a deadly cycle and embrace change. A healthy change. It will help YOU love YOU. Which will make loving anybody else easier for you. You will have an easier to give your darling daughter a happy and healthy childhood and mother. Sometimes it’ll be hard but beacause You love YOU it’ll be so much easier. I wish you the best of luck in the future and remember that sometimes doing something that is HARD for you can sometimes be the best medication for YOU.