I Can’t Seem To Focus – How I Beat Myself Up

Lately, it seems as if there are WAY more things to do than there is time. Can you relate? I have lists in my head, on my desk at home and on my desk at work. Now lists usually work for me yet this got me to thinking. What if I didn’t have a list? What would happen? Would the world fall apart? Would I forget something like paying a bill or ??? How would I FOCUS?

How much trust was I putting in the list vs trusting myself?

I have a lot of clients asking me about this very thing “so much to do and so little time.” When I was researching this topic I found the typical information.

• Keep your list current
• Move all things from one day that are not done to the next day.
• You get my drift.

That is not what was swimming in my head.

What I realized is that I would keep a list, then if I didn’t get things done I would begin to beat myself up inside with my negative self-talk. It was subtle. Little feelings at first like:

• “What do you think you are doing?”
• “You can’t write something, for goodness sake you can’t even get the things done on your list”.
• “You can’t go and play, you have WORK to do, your list isn’t done.”

It would get louder and louder and then I would start doubting myself when I hadn’t doubted myself before. Has this happened to you?

I spent some time really thinking about what I do get done and what I am accomplishing and asked myself:

• “Are you happy with what you are doing?”
• “Are you doing your best and what you can do right now?”
• “Is there anything you really, honestly, feel in your heart of hearts, that you could or would do any differently?”
• “Are you blowing off time and just putting off doing things?”

My answers to those questions were Yes, I am very happy with what I am doing. I know in my heart of hearts I am absolutely doing the best I can and I know I am “focusing” on what I need to when I need to. Then why was I beating myself up? Awe it was The LIST!!!!!!!!!!

Also, there was the thought of “If people know I can’t complete my list they will think I am being Lazy or Not Doing Enough” BINGO!! There it was. It had nothing to do with the LIST or what I knew in my heart and soul.

It was my Fear and my Expectations of myself.

Can you relate? When I really took the time to ask myself the truth of how I really felt, I had the answer.

I knew then that I could trust myself and the calm returned and the negative self talk left.