Finding My Voice!!!
When I was a child I remember feeling “not heard”. I also remember feeling like I was “too much”. I acted out in many ways to “be heard”. Most of the time I still felt not truly heard. I felt like it was only because I had screamed loud enough in some fashion or another and the person listening was just doing it because of that. One day, several years ago, I realized that to truly find my voice I need to believe that my voice counted. And could I hear my own voice and even if I heard it did it count? It took practice and work and eventually I did come to believe that my voice mattered and the bottom line was could I hear it?
Over the past few years I have come to know in my personal life that my voice does count and its as high as any other voice I might be listening to at that time. Even in my coaching practice I feel comfortable with my “voice” and how I express it. I trust myself and have learned how important that is.
So what is the issue you may ask? What area of my life might I be struggling to find my voice?
It’s the place in me where what I have lived and what I have learned merge. The place in me where stepping out and speaking from my heart about my life, my challenges and opportunities meet. The place in me that wants to write, speak, create and teach live.
I have had many careers. Banking, retail management, title insurance, and sales person. All of them have had their pros and cons. All of them have supported me, taught me what I do want and don’t want in working. For the past 18 years my sister and I have been running a women’s health clinic. I was sure that I would never own my own business and here I am telling you its been 18 years. Wow. I am thrilled to say that. We have grown so much, been challenged and I know I have been stretched to learn and master things.
Yet, all of that and I can’t find my voice? Really you say? What is so hard about that? Well, what it seems for me is that to step out on my own literally, create a business and a voice that is just mine, has created a place in me that says “So, What are you going to say?” “What makes you think you can talk to anyone about anything?” “Remember you are too much” “Remember no one will really listen”. Yup, fear and the feelings of are you good enough get me too.
At first I thought it was that I couldn’t make up my mind what I wanted to write about, or what niche I wanted to decide on. It took me about 6 months, a ton of soul searching and programs until I finally realized that thinking like that was just a distraction for me. If I could just say that I can’t decide what to do then I didn’t have to face the fear of really standing in my passion and speaking. Using my voice. Living my passion completely.
So, I have decided to write this to all of you. To say it out loud and acknowledge that stepping out and finding my voice create a TON of vulnerability for me.
I say to my clients ALL the time that being vulnerable is where most of us will distract, deny, distort in order to not feel the feeling/s. Anything to numb out and get away from the feeling/s. Well here I am saying to you I have been doing the same thing and I finally get it.
So, in a way this is my coming out. My coming out and saying I feel vulnerable and I am going to do it anyway. I will write more, create more and see where it all goes. Its scary, risky and I feel compelled to do it. To step into the world of Change From The Inside Out completely and embrace myself and all of you in the process. I wll allow myself to shine, speak and use my voice.
Where in your life do you distract yourself? Do you ever feel not good enough?
I would love for you to share your thoughts, comments and feelings below in the comments section.
Here is to ALL of us finding our voice.